Side A (Stories from My Previous Life)

by Timi Tamminen

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1.
According to Plan 03:32
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The safe home, safe from storm Mother holds the newborn The indigo eyes keep roaming Everything's so big, so unknown It's all going according to plan The boy slowly grows into a man The boy walks, tries to look tall Falls on his knees, then starts sobbing The whole room looks at him smiling "Wish that toddler would never grow up" It's all going according to plan They watch the boy grow into a man The boy crawls on a freshly cut lawn The parents look at him with huge joy "Maybe my good son will work in law or fight a fire with his lionheart" It's all going according to plan The boy slowly grows into a man It's all going according to plan At least that's how they've had it planned
2.
Family Issues 03:27
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This song is about my father This song is about my papa This song is for my father Never seen you cry, always working overtime Ready to risk your life for your own bloodline I know your intentions are pure but dear papa, can't you find the time I've rarely seen you home without that phone by your side All you know is the hustle, you forget the puzzle that's the schoolboy sitting with his jimmies rustled, yeah All lost and helpless, love - hate - love Nothing but the truth that I'm talking 'bout The only time we really sit down and talk is when I've been acting out of line A cradled cat and a silver spoon in his mouth One thing is missing: a role model in the house I feel alone and weak when the other kids put me down, I wish I could skip town They think I'm too weird, too feminine Rather spend time in my head dreaming of a friend Father, where are you when I need your help This song is 'bout my mother This song is for my mama This song is for my mother You're always cooking the best meals, giving good-night kisses Telling the whole world that this simple family is spotless But behind the frame there's a crack in the portrait You've got a heart of the purest gold but that's a problem because it's hard to breathe at times when you're trying to shield me from the life And the fights that follow make me feel so hollow Two maniacs screaming yet you claim this is all normal Closing the curtains won't erase what's going on *Crash, boom, bang*, that's yet another plate on the floor We shout and cry, then pretend nothing ever went down Nothing but the truth here that I'm talking 'bout, love - hate - love The way we act always breaks my heart A child full of rage not knowing where to hide How will I ever learn how to behave like a normal child Mother, stop hounding me and let me breathe, you heard me right
3.
Boyhood (Interlude) 01:44
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The journey through boyhood can be turbulent Sometimes harsh Sometimes euphoric Sometimes violent Especially when within that boy resides a little girl She takes flight A rebel soul, breaking molds that bind Breaking barriers of society's reign In whispered thoughts, she dares to transmute Navigating complexities as yet untold Secret identities, colorful revolutions A kaleidoscope of limitless possibilities The birth of something far beyond the binary Dreams embrace the night, in delicate balance Where the girl and the boy transfigure and collide The journey through boyhood can be turbulent Sometimes euphoric Sometimes harsh Sometimes violent Especially when within that boy resides a little girl
4.
The Law of the Jungle 03:57
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Wake up It's the first day of the rest of your life No use complaining, forget you who you used to be Burn your books and buy new ones These gray hallways will shape you, ditch your weird boots You're standing in the side of the crowd near that guy who talks to walls Forget those dreams of being a big film star Your only job in the system is to adapt and survive Every weekend starts with a bloody fight in the yard It's the law of the jungle This place is a prison, I said it Yep This place is a prison, I said it Get me out of here Two more hours with snitches and suck-ups, rejects, future dropouts, bullies, bros, simps, teen moms, stoners, divas and jocks The warden glares at us working with a slight twitch in his mouth What's going on, am I the only one who's in his right mind? So wipe the smile off your mug All you will learn is school's out but never over The struggle's only begun It's the law of the jungle Let's just burn this place down Yeah, I said it It's the law of the jungle
5.
Breadcrumbs 02:59
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I've tried to hide all of my life but now I'm tired of that I'll rise and show the world what I've got Too many times I thought 'bout it twice, concealing all my passion inside but that'll change right now I know the lies, they told I couldn't climb up where my dreams reside 'Cause I look at the sky and I can see the signs I know I will find what I want to find Just follow the breadcrumbs I'll have to follow the breadcrumbs, yeah Just follow the breadcrumbs Too many times I've thought it's my fault I've let them walk all over my walls, keeping my soul tightly locked Now I let 'em talk and ignore their taunts If I feel small I'll think 'bout my goals and I keep counting on my trust They told me I couldn't climb as high as my dreams but I know they lied 'Cause I look at the sky and I can see the signs I know I will find what I want to find Just follow the breadcrumbs I'll have to follow the breadcrumbs, yeah Just follow the breadcrumbs
6.
My Hometown 02:48
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Somewhere in the middle of nowhere is a place not spotted by satellites The daily life keeps on going, the mood is still so close-minded Things still seem black and white, they'll tell you if you're wrong or right Woo-ba-ba-ba da-doo-ba-ba-ba doo-ba-ooh If you stick out you're not invited Welcome to my hometown The spines of the pine trees still bend in the rain Every day feels about the same Trust me, living here sucks, stealing bikes, counting trucks Taking puffs to look tough when the grown-ups are out of town And I keep counting the days 'til I can get the hell out of this place Look at all these old, beer-beaten and hollow faces Yeah, I can't lie, everybody talks and looks the same And yeah, I know that I'm a special case This town don't seem to like my style, people wagging their tongues So I, I keep counting the days 'til I can get the hell out of this place The hell out of this place
7.
Emanations (Interlude) 01:52
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Emanations from America The electric embrace, the dream’s lulling melody He sings of hope and freedom, through far-off screens and worn out speakers And his smile never fades I’m killing time, dreaming of an escape plan From the suffocating arms of a small town From the deadly kisses of boredom Beyond the woods, a new world awaits Emanations from Moscow Her silent, deadly hum A timeless cycle The drum of history beating the rhythm of endless regression Ingria’s shadow The invisible fences, the silent lullabies The sounds of the walls crashing down, only to be replaced with new ones Tragedy's slow burn A genocide of love & promises What could a clueless child do when caught in the crossfire? Sometimes the world doesn’t like seeing you in the middle
8.
2020 Mickey & Mallory (Every Teen Rebel's Fantasy) 02:39
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Yeah Listen You got the sway, you know just how to bite You must have spent some time mastering that rare crimson pout you got, yeah Girl, I can see beyond your style We're a match, no doubt 2020 Mickey & Mallory We steer clear from crowds No strategy is our strategy And we fuck so loud It's that million dollar chemistry You cross us, it's bad luck We're every teen rebel's fantasy We've got the look that everybody wants Young, stunning and headstrong Our fierce hearts were born to run The road is our home We're a match, no doubt 2020 Mickey & Mallory We steer clear from crowds Every day's got action and tragedy And we fuck so loud They should be showing us in a gallery You cross us, it's bad luck We're every teen rebel's fantasy 2020 Mickey & Mallory Every teen rebel's fantasy
9.
My Quiet Disguise 03:32
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None of my lies, my quiet disguise, can hide me from these emotions Calm on the outside, a storm rages inside I can't control myself when you're around What's happening to me Just a while ago I was ice cold The frozen walls I've been building, they all melt down when you get so close There's something about you that I can't wrap my head around You seem to know where all my weak spots are, yeah None of my lies, my quiet disguise, can hide me from these emotions Calm on the outside, a storm rages inside I can't control myself when you're around Oo, when you're around Do you feel the same way as I do Why do I run from the truth, it's all out in the open When I'm 'round you I can't talk, the words just pass by I just stare for a while, then quickly pretend I was looking outside Can't you tell you make me smile? There's something about you that I can't wrap my head around You seem to know where all my weak spots are, yeah Yeah None of my lies, my quiet disguise, can hide me from these emotions Calm on the outside, a storm rages inside I can't control myself when you're around
10.
Your Caress 02:58
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Just for today, for today, for today Just for today, for today, for today Today I don't care who you are You're welcome to the party Don't let this feeling ever end Your caress, your caress, your caress and cigarettes Don't let this feeling ever end Your caress, your caress, your caress makes me obsessed Hands reaching for the ceiling We've been barely sleeping This drink and your lips are everything that I need Life could end in a single heartbeat It's mostly made of misery All the more reason to raise your glass and be who you wanna be They never get the meaning of why we'd dive off the deep end We're a mess but hey, at least we make it look dreamy Don't let this feeling ever end Your caress, your caress, your caress and cigarettes Don't let this feeling ever end Your caress, your caress, your caress makes me obsessed Youth is a gift, it's made to be used for this 'Round the people you've grown to love and miss We don't always get along, here everyone's a bro, everyone's a sis We all wanna love and we all wanna be loved so why don't we start spreading love everywhere starting... NOW Just for today, for today, for today Just for today, for today, for today I don't want this to end I don't want this to end No, no, no
11.
Rooftops 07:37
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I've tried so hard to hide all my Silly feelings but I can't help it, my mind goes back to those times Oh those times I told myself just take one step at a time, love's like a tightrope, those days are gone Mm I wish I could turn back time Oh yes I do Do you still think 'bout those summer nights We watched the world bloom from the rooftops Young and still free from the chains of life Thinking it would last forever All of those, all of those days are now gone All of those, all of those days are now gone All of those, all of those days are now gone I wish I, I wish I could turn back time Now I'm back in my empty room If I only knew the best dreams end too soon Well, now that June's just a photograph I miss you All of those, all of those days are now gone All of those, all of those days are now gone All of those, all of those days are now gone I wish I, I wish I could turn back time I miss you I miss those days we had, the times we had, all of that Oh no, I miss that I've tried so hard to hide all my Silly feelings but I can't help it I can't help it I can't help it My mind goes back to those times I miss you, baby Oh, please come back to me I wish I could live that time once more Your warm skin Our locked lips Raindrops Sitting on the rooftops
12.
Herd (Interlude) 01:12
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Boys Boys Boys Boys Boys Boys Boys Boys Boys Boys Boys Boys Boys Boys Boys Boys
13.
One of the Boys 05:51
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Barely legal, just found our freedom, already thinking lethal for no reason It's see no evil, hear no evil [*jesus bro, cheer up*] Eager to try the needle, we're like this town's own Beatles We tend to think that we're oh so regal We're all 'bout taking it to the limit, Eagles Rather die young than be one of the ordinary people We're just having fun like all the boys always are Seen snapshots of that speedball lifestyle It's like diesel for developing, pea-sized minds Stop being a downer, enjoy the high 'Cause this is everything we've ever had or known [clap along, clap along, clap along] 'Cause this is everything we've ever had or known It's that good ol' life on the edge with a twist You fetch when we say fetch if you wanna be in We like to go 110% 'til the end No questions, follow the lead of your friends Not every story needs a sappy ending Not every broken heart can be mended Stop caring, numbness is your single parent Learn swearing and hide the tears if you wanna be one of the boys If you wanna be one of the boys If you wanna be one of the boys If you wanna be one of the boys Just do what you were taught to do Just do what you were taught to do Just do what you were taught to do Just do what you were taught to do No, no, no, no [clap along, clap along, clap along] 'Cause this is everything we've ever had or known [clap along, clap along, clap along] 'Cause this is everything we've ever had or known If you wanna be one of the boys
14.
Scorched Earth 03:23
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Wait a minute, listen up Hey You have no idea what's coming! We didn't come here to play No, no, no When they find out who you really are it's too late, yeah Ain't no stopping you now, ain't no stopping you now Ain't no stopping us now, we're setting this world on fire Shaped by the thorns of this town You've heard it, the words spreading 'round We're back and we're twice as nuts Y'all looking all thunderstruck DC feels, you marvel at us That's right, keep that spotlight on us Remember how you'd kick us down So let me keep this short and blunt You're either with us or you'll be crushed So this is what it feels like when you don't give a fuck When they find out who you really are it's too late, yeah Ain't no stopping you now, ain't no stopping you now When they find out who you really are it's too late, yeah Ain't no stopping you now, we're setting it all on fire When they find out who you really are it's too late, yeah Ain't no stopping you now, ain't no stopping you now When they find out who you really are it's too late, yeah Ain't no stopping me, I'm 'bout to start this killing spree Your normalcy lobotomy bores the living daylights out of me I've been in coma for twenty-something years, hiding from the judgement and fears Rather rep my madness We'd be on the canvas if Stan Lee was still here When they find out who you really are it's too late, yeah Ain't no stopping you now, ain't no stopping you now When they find out who you really are it's too late, yeah Yeah I was tied I was tied, I'm seizing back control There's only fire I'm leaving only this scorched earth behind
15.
Friend 03:46
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It's that time of the season The trees cut their manes, everyone's away I've been crying without reason The change is in the air Am I on my own again? I wish I could just fly to Spain or Uruguay to run from my own mind But life doesn't quite work that way You've got the cards you've got You have to play I just need a friend who's there when it feels like the end I just need that friend I just need a friend One blink and summer's gone You've been a fool to trust time She's got a tendency to lie Why wait when you can fight? When you can show the world you'll go down with your guns drawn I just need a friend who's there when it feels like the end I just need a friend I've kept on pleading That's all I need I've kept on pleading That's all I need

credits

released May 17, 2020

All songs written, produced and performed by Timi Tamminen
All songs mixed by Timi Tamminen, except where noted otherwise:

* "My Quiet Disguise" vocals mixed by Kauri Ruohonen
* "Your Caress" vocals mixed by Dune Audio Productions
* "Rooftops" mixed by Neil Goody @ The Premises Studios

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